fear makes for a wonderful fire

burning 

my

fears

out

of

my

head

(blank pages)

(5:21am)

(size 6 jeans)

(crying at school)

(my own mind)

"chop your own wood; it'll warm you twice"

- rosy grey

when waking up hurts

(disclaimer :

i write about the past a lot. i'm not actually this depressed).

------------------------------------------

i'm driving up the canyon again because

my tires still haven't spun as many times as my head;


i'm too frightened to go home because

dad is drowning in the waves of medication

and mom is still at work.

& i don't want to stick my fingers down my throat again,

the notion is addicting

but i'm sick of feeling afraid of my body.

i can't come home because

i think i love the vein in my wrist more than i

love you

& i'm sorry;

(yet as i speak these apologies, i can feel the words

dying on my lips

as the funeral in my mouth

continues on). 


so mother,

i won't keep trying to immunize with avoidance

& get high with my blade

because those two habits will never coexist.

when waking up hurts,

when school becomes a graveyard,

i'll just take my car up the canyon

& try to stop holding my breath.

(but now

i can breathe again,

because i've finally crashed:

but after driving for so long it just felt like

relief).

passive vandalism

 >an alternate use for a brick; what a great space for ideas<

(it's too cold inside my brain)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(drawn to you like a moth to a flame)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(views of worlds left behind)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

painted-fingerprint loves 

to you all,

r.l.g.

amor, amor, amor.

i apologize;

my heart has become too inured to write about love.

so i made a series of satirical collages instead.

enjoyy.

with much (love),

 r.l.g.

rosyln grey's horoscope of the day

"just try to love him 

a little less,

& yourself

a little more."

stones i wish i could toss at your windowpane

(inspired by an old post from my dearest friend,

mister sgt. pepper)

proof

i'm alive.

my flesh radiates heat & my lungs expand and contract at my will.

blood travels from my heart to my capillaries 

& there are all kinds of spontaneous chemical reactions in my brain.

i'm alive because i get lumps in my throat & goosebumps on my forearms.

i'm alive because i fall; just to know that i can bleed and bruise.

i'm alive because tears flood my eyes when i think of how much i love my little brother,

because i sleep in my contacts & never return my library books,

and because i have to squint & blink & strain to see the stars.

i'm alive:

a laugh and a smile can coexist with my breaking mind,

my bruises can heal & i can forgive,

and i can harbor peace on an ocean of endless waves & torment.

i'm alive. i'm an individual. i'm part of a whole;

a small leaf grown from the ever-reaching branches of the Tree of Life.

the Soul of the World recognizes me, and speaks the Language of my Heart.

i'm alive.

i'm human.

i'm here.

...

i was once told that it's impossible for the mind to comprehend an end to the limits of our universe -

yet it's possible to imagine that it stretches on infinitely.

...and so it goes with existence.

my circumstances,

my breath,

my Light doesn't end here, or there, or anywhere in between,

or ever, really. 

ultimately, i know i am alive because i am endless & not numbered,

because i am infinite,

because i'm a human:

& to be fully, truly, and completely alive

is to never cease.

autumnal transcendentalism

how unique 

it is to observe

that like the

leaves in 

falltime;

things can be

even more beautiful

when they're

dying. 

- rosyln grey

 

(pictures are all raw & unedited.

naked photos are best photos).

at odds (updated)

"if everyone's different, then what's normal ?"

(^^ overly philosophical words from a 6th grader).

this is how i am different. this is also how i may be alike.

..i don't know. this is just me :

- i love certain songs more than i love certain people

- i willingly admit that i absolutely adore the twilight soundtracks

- i am entranced by the smell of old books & lp vinyl covers

- i absorb others emotions; sometimes to a point where i can't distinguish their feelings from my own

- i use men's deodorant because it works better

- i have never been grounded, but i've gotten into a lot of trouble.

- i adore the silliest things, like folding blankets with people or making a perfectly toasted grilled cheese

- i can make myself like almost any song if i listen to it enough times

- i have amazing style, but don't have the money to prove it

- i want to drive a dolorian so badly 

- i often drive shirtless on the freeway when it gets too hot

- i have wicked peripheral vision

- i am obsessed with human anatomy, astronomy, and health sciences

- i have a secret fear of cool people

- i always drink with my pinkie out. always. 

- i was actually very excited to start my ACT prep course

- i trust hugs more than the words "i love you"

- i can't always distinguish my dreams from my conscious life

- i've never been able to sleep with socks on

perspective